You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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