I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
