She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
