just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
