in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
