is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
