Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
