you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
