One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
