you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
