finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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