I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
