Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
