there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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