Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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