I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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