she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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