I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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