So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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