u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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