Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
