I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
