drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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