Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
