Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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