just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
