I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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