I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
