he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
