Don't make out with my wife yet
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
