at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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