you're like a bully in the Christmas story
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
