The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
