Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
