we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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