I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have tasted many bathrooms
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
