its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
