Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
