Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
