I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just invented taco cereal.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
