honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
