omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
