he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
