Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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