i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
