You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
