my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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