Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
