So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
