I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
