I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
