she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
