she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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