my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
