im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Your cock deserves a montage
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
